Same Old, Same Old

An unused SPACE CASES script
by Peter David and Bill Mumy
Story by Myrna David
as published in issues #189-199 of Comics Buyer's Guide
Copyright © To Be Continued, Inc.
Reproduced With Permission

ACT TWO

Interior:
The Haunted Corridor with Rosie standing there, as before. She takes a deep breath and then suddenly she hears a crackling, like electricity, and there's a light behind her. She whirls to see two backlit silhouetted figures.
Illumination is cascading from the area in front of the taller one's head. The duo steps froward and are revealed as Bova and Thelma. Thelma has light blue bulbs screwed into either ear, providing light. Bova has a blanket and pillow.

Bova:
Hi.

Rosie:
What are you doing here?

Bova:
I thought you could use company.

Rosie:
It really wasn't necessary. But that's really sweet of you.

Bova:
Don't tell anyone. It'll ruin my reputation.

Interior:
The Team Room -- Harlan, in workout clothes, is practicing karate moves. Radu looks up from a book he's reading.

Radu:
Now, you see, you do that all the time, and it's always the same moves. Why isn't that boring?

Harlan:
(continuing moves) Because I try to do some other boring thing while I'm doing this, so this seems less boring in comparison.

Radu:
What "other boring thing" do you try and do at the same time?

Harlan:
(without heat, just ribbing) Talk to you.

Radu:
Why do I bother?

Catalina enters through a Jump Tube.

Catalina:
We gotta talk about this.

Harlan:
About what?

Catalina:
Rosie. I think she may be in over her red head.

Interior:
The Haunted Corridor -- Rosie, Bova, Thelma are seated on the blankets, the pillows to one side. Thelma is keeping a low glow going from the light bulbs. Rosie is just finishing telling a joke.

Rosie:
And so he turns to the other guys and says, "That's not my arm, that's my airhose!"

Waits for laugh. Doesn't get one. She sighs.

Thelma:
What is the purpose of jokes?

Rosie:
Sometimes I wonder. Supposedly, to keep things interesting. To make you laugh. For fun. You know; amusement.

Thelma:
Being amused is important?

Rosie:
Yes.

Bova:
(at the same time) No.

Rosie:
Aw, C'mon, Bova. I'm sure on your homeworld there must be something you guys do for fun.

Bova:
Well, there is an amusement park.

Rosie:
There, you see!

Bova:
It's called Lineland. You pay admission, go in -- and stand in line.

Rosie:
For what?

Bova:
The exit.

Rosie:
And you think that's fun?

Bova:
It's the happiest place on Uranus.

Suddenly they react to something, as they hear a scraping noise -- then heavy footsteps -- then we hear howling. Bova's antennae begin to crackle. Rosie, Bova, and Thelma look up, and a shadowed figure steps into frame, blocking our view of them.

Smash cut to Interior:
Team Room -- Catalina, Harlan, and Radu. Harlan and Radu are regarding Cat curiously.

Harlan:
Look, Ringhead, if you're so sure she's down there, you go look for her.

Catalina:
She went because she was concerned about what we all thought of her. Besides, I...(pauses a beat) You're going to make me say it, aren't you?

Radu:
Say what?

Catalina:
I don't want to go by myself, OK?

Radu:
What about your invisible friend, Suzee? Take her.

Catalina:
She won't go. She's really terrified of anything she can't see.

Harlan:
Every time I think I'm used to how strange you are, you open new frontiers of weirdness. You know what? For all we know, this is some sort of setup. A hoax, like Miss Davenport was talking about. I'll bet that's it.

Catalina:
(considers that a ridiculous notion) Oh, puh-leese.

Harlan:
No, forget it. Hairdo can make up his own mind.

Radu:
Radu.

Harlan:
Yeah, whatever. But as far as I'm concerned, the subject is closed.

Focus on:
The Jump Tube -- Bova slides in, but he doesn't get up. Instead he slides straight in, lands on his back on the deck, and lies there like a board. His eyes are wide, his mouth open, his skin pale. He's making inarticulate gargling noises.

Bova:
(In a voice like the voice of the doomed) Rosie...

Harlan, Radu, and Catalina stare at him.

Harlan:
The subject is open.

They quickly go to Bova. He's literally scared stiff. They move him to a chair.

Harlan:
What happened, buddy?

Bova:
G-g-ghost -- Rosie -- ghost got Ro-Rosie --

Radu:
Still think it's all a joke, Harlan? Bova isn't Mr. Laughs. Practical jokes aren't his thing.

Harlan:
OK, OK, I'm convinced.

Radu:
Should we tell Commander Goddard?

Harlan and Catalina (in unison):
No!

Catalina:
He said to stay away from there. I don't want Rosie to get in trouble.

Davenport (off-stage):
Ahem.

They look and see Davenport, her face just barely visible in the slightly open doorway. Obviously she's just overheard.

Davenport:
I was not intending to eavesdrop. However, I --

She manages to shove open the side of the door with the double cogs, but the single cog won't move for her. She crawls under it and crosses quickly to Bova.

Davenport:
I couldn't help but overhear. What's happened to Bova, where's Rosie, and what don't you want Commander Goddard to know?

The kids look at each other.

Exterior:
The Christa angling through the ether (stock shot).

Interior:
Haunted Corridor Entrance Door -- Harlan, Radu, Catalina, and Davenport step into frame. They're all wearing field packs with shoulder-mounted flashlights.

Harlan:
Look, Miss Davenport, since you know, we might as well have Commander Goddard down here in --

Davenport (overlapping):
Instead?

Harlan:
I was going to say "in charge".

Davenport:
This situation doesn't require the presence of more than one adult. Or do you believe that I'm simply incapable of overseeing the retrieval of one of my students? (Pauses for a beat) If you're waiting for me to "crack up", Mr. Band, you're in for a disappointment. All of you are.

Catalina:
If you say so, Miss Davenport.

Radu:
Right. Feel free to disappoint us.

She does a take, not quite sure how to respond to that. And then Harlan activates the doors and they step through, the doors shutting behind them.

Interior:
The Haunted Corridor. Darker, lighted weirdly, perhaps even a faint sense of mist in the air. Our heros move down it slowly.

Davenport:
Rosie! Roooosssieeee! (Keeping herself together with effort) How long have we been searching? An hour? Two?

Radu:
Nine minutes.

Catalina:
Hey, look!

At their feet are several stuffed animals: a bear, a tiger, a lion.

Radu:
These are Rosie's! She wouldn't have just left those lying around.

Catalina:
Let me see. You sure? (Sorting through them) Yeah, this is her lion and tiger and bear.

Davenport:
Oh my.

Harlan:
(checking for himself) Lion...

Radu:
...and tiger...

Catalina:
...and bear...

Davenport:
Oh my.

They start slowly down the hallway, murmuring in escalating dread:

Kids:
Lion and tiger and bear...

Davenport:
Oh my.

Kids:
Lion and tiger and bear...

Davenport:
Oh my.

Kids:
Lion and tiger and b...

Suddenly they skid to a halt and yell in horror, as they see Thelma's head lying on the floor, staring forward, eyes unblinking. Davenport kneels down, slowly picks up her head, looks at her in shock and dismay.

Davenport:
Alas, poor Thelma...I...I knew her, Harlan. A droid of infinite jest and most excellent fancy...

Harlan:
(shouting) Whichever of you ghosts did this -- you're dead!

They pause a moment as the idiocy of this sinks in.

Catalina:
You're point being?

Harlan:
(shouting with less certainty) However dead you are now -- you'll be -- uh -- even deader!

And suddenly, there is a low moan as they see a spectral being, hurtling through the air, moaning and wailing. It comes right towards them.
Harlan leaps forward with a kick and passes right through it, hitting the ground. The ghost hovers for a moment, moans, and then vanishes.
Cat and Radu help Harlan up.

Davenport:
That was very brave, Mr. Band -- foolhardy, but brave.

Catalina:
(drily) Yeah, you sure showed them.

Radu:
We've got to find Rosie and get out of here.

Harlan:
For once...no argument...

Suddenly, they hear a gunshot, a rolling sound, and a distant smacking sound.

Harlan:
C'mon.

Interior:
A door in The Haunted Corridor. The noise is coming from within. But the door doesn't open. Harlan tries to pry it open. No luck.

Davenport:
Now you know how frustrated I get sometimes.

Radu:
Let me.

Harlan:
(annoyed but resigned) Be my guest, Hercules.

Radu shoves his fingers into the door opening and muscles it open.

Interior:
The Rec Room of the Doomed -- Harlan. Radu, and Cat.

(A red-lit version of the Team Room or, if we're really feeling ambitious, the Starcademy set). The interior is very, very dim. There's some furniture, mostly broken down. The sounds are louder than ever. The camera whip pans to the far side of the room to reveal an old-style pinball machine.

Radu:
What's that?

Harlan:
It's an old pinball machine. My dad showed me a picture once.

Davenport:
An ancient pinball machine, on an alien ship? Insanity.

They move across the room toward it.

Davenport:
Don't touch anything. Around here, that might prove lethal.

Catalina:
What could have happened down here? I wish we knew more about whoever was on this ship before we found her.

Harlan:
If they're all ghosts now, I think I know as much about em as I want to.

Radu:
I feel like we could be wandering around here forever and still not find Rosie.

Suddenly, they jump as they hear a shriek. They spin to see Rosie hurtling through the door, dangling in mid-air.

Rosie:
Help! It's got me! It's got me -- (her voice suddenly changes into something out of The Exorcist) you won't escape! Bwaa, ha, haa --

Rosie is yanked up out of frame and then the camera angles down to reveal in the doorway and ax-wielding Ghoul framed in the door with an ax in either hand. He howls, whipping the axes in threatening arcs. (Music soundtrack is pure Psycho with demented violin strings screeching). Our heros scream in pure terror. Sure, they have metapowers and have faced danger -- but they're still kids, they're tighter than violin strings. They back up, bumping against the wall, petrified, and then -- trying to overcome their horror:

Harlan:
Get him!

They try to move forward, but they're stuck, backs flat against the wall, held there tight. The ghoul advances on them, howling, wielding his ax. The music is going berserk, the lights are flashing red.

Davenport:
(her finest moment) Let them go! Do whatever you want to me, but let them go! I'm not afraid of you!

The ghoul's axes are whipping through the air, as he comes closer and closer.

Harlan:
Cat! Your sonic blast!

Catalina:
Against a ghost?

Harlan:
It's our only chance!

The camera shoots from the kids' point-of-view. The ghoul charges. The camera returns to the main scene, as Catalina draws in a breath to scream and a gloved hand suddenly clamps over her mouth. Cat's eyes go wide with terror, as she sees Rosie dangling in front of her, eyes wide and demented-looking, her hand over Cat's mouth preventing her scream.
The camera again shoots from the kids' point-of-view. The ghoul is almost upon them, leading with his ax blades. He draws back his axes.
The camera returns to the main scene, as Harlan and Radu yell in stark terror. The Ghoul freezes in place, bare inches from them, and suddenly gives the unofficial Stardog salute.

Harlan:
Huh?

Ghoul:
(beat) So are you still bored, Mr. Band?

The Ghoul peels away his grotesque makeup to reveal it is, indeed, Goddard. Rosie removes an anti-grav disk from her belt and shuts it off.

Catalina:
I...I don't...

Radu:
Commander?!

Goddard:
A little makeup, an anti-grav disk -- an easy cure for the same old, same old, wouldn't you say?

Harlan:
(recovering his wits) You know, that wasn't funny, Commander.

Goddard:
I hear that a lot. But what's even less funny is a crew losing its edge because of boredom. So Miss Davenport, Rosie and I cooked up a scheme to teach you that in space, you can't take anything for granted.
Oh, you can move away from the wall. The static field should have worn off by now. Miss Davenport, you played along perfectly. Good going. "Take me instead!" Beautiful.

Davenport:
(very sweetly, she even rests her hands on his shirt) Commander, in our "discussion", you said you were going to arrange a sort of drill to -- how did you put it? -- "keep Harlan, Cat, and the others on their toes." You never went into specifics, though...

Goddard:
Your point being?

Davenport:
My point being -- (suddenly gripping fistfuls of his shirt as she bellows) I didn't know this was the drill! Don't ever do this again!

Dissolve to Interior:
The Haunted Corridor -- Goddard, Harlan, Catalina, Radu, and Rosie are moving down it.

Catalina:
And Bova wasn't in on it?

Goddard:
Not at first. I enlisted Rosie to play along.

Rosie:
You know me, Cat. Always looking for a chance to be nice.

Goddard:
When I came to meet her down here as we'd arranged, I found Bova had followed her down. So I brought him in on it , too.

Catalina:
OK, OK, you made your point.

Radu:
After this, boredom will be a relief.

Goddard:
I admit, I was impressed by your team spirit. You were scared, but you were so determined to help your teammate Rosie that you kept going. Good for you.

Harlan:
What impressed me was that fake ghost you cooked up.

Goddard:
What fake ghost?

Harlan:
The one here in the corridor, that came floating through the air.

Goddard:
Mr. Band, I'm not falling for this.

Davenport:
And that ghastly business with Thelma's head.

Goddard:
Thelma's head? I told Thelma she could leave! What are you talking about! Beheadings, ghosts -- Come on, team, this corridor isn't really haunt --

And then they hear moaning and wailing. They turn and react as they see ghosts from their point-of-view.
They will be computer-generated images, hurtling toward them, coming from the walls, the floors, the ceiling, howling "Get ouuut!"
The camera returns to the main scene as everybody runs for their lives, hightailing it out of The Haunted Corridor.
The ghosts hover there for a moment more, then the camera comes in tight on Thelma's head. Her eyes are lit up with projection beams, and her mouth is moving, providing the chorus of ghostly voices.
Thelma's booted feet step into the frame. Her hands reach down and lift her head out of the frame.

Thelma:
(snapping her head back into place. The ghosts have all vanished with the shutdown of her projection beams. She tries to laugh, not very well) Ha ha ha ha ha. (Sighs, shrugs) Humans are so easily amused.

She exits and two ghosts appear behind her. They sigh.

Ghost 1:
This is all your fault. You had to complain about being bored, and now look: we're stuck with those nuts.

Ghost 2:
That's right, blame everything on me, like you always do. Same old, same old...

FADE OUT

Special thanks to ZaBaGaBe@aol.com for reproducing this story from the issues of Comics Buyer's Guide in which the story originally appeared.